Luckily for you I've got EXACTLY what you need!

I have loads of basic translators in the back if you want one, but I highly recommend one of these instead. It's a HANDI-PC PDA with a XENOVOX TRANSLATION ATTACHMENT.

Well what's the difference? Wait... are you just trying to get me to buy a more expensive model?

Paranoid aren't you? Maybe you would get along with Fibbian after all.